


My Pen

by robertstanion



Series: PEIPHQ Shenanigans [28]
Category: Black Friday - Team StarKid
Genre: Angst, M/M, Mentions of Racism, Nightmare, autistic characters, domestic fic, father daughter, john uses a phone in this one, mentions of bullying, non verbal character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-18
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:35:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,461
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25369222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robertstanion/pseuds/robertstanion
Summary: Penny Kiara McNamander-Lee has gone her entire life believing she has to protect those around her, so what happens when she's the one who needs protecting?
Relationships: John McNamara/Xander Lee, McNamander & their kids
Series: PEIPHQ Shenanigans [28]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1764349
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	My Pen

**Author's Note:**

> i will say this once, and i will say this only once, john and penny only ended up sleeping together in the same bed in a non-sexual manner due to the fact it was a way to comfort penny to prevent any other nightmares. don't be fucking creepy thank u
> 
> (all tws are listed in tags)

“And Xander wins again,” John announced, earning more delighted claps from their youngest son, who bounced on Xander’s lap again.

“I think that’s enough for tonight. We gotta calm Jasper down so he can go to sleep before school starts back up tomorrow,” Xander said as he cupped John’s chin, turning his face to face him, kissing him softly before he stood up, placing Jasper on his lip. “Don’t be too late to bed tonight, honey.”

“I won’t be, don’t worry.” John chuckled, shaking his head at his husband, folding the board game up, placing the playing pieces back inside the box. He looked up and noticed Penny still sitting cross-legged on the floor, distracted by her hands. “Pen?”

“Hmm?” She asked, looking up to face him.

John took note that her eyes were very distant, almost as if she was trying to hold something back, like a thought or emotions. He also took note her eyes were darting around the area he was sitting. He slid the lid back on the box, sliding it back under the coffee table, moving off of the couch beside her on the floor. “Why don’t we head to bed now?”

“Can I _please_ stay up a little bit longer?” She asked, moving her eyes away from his.

John, to reassure her, placed a hand on her back, looking at her. “You’re going back to school for the first time after break. I understand you’re feeling nervous, but trust me when I say, getting an early nights sleep is the best advice I could give you.”

“I don’t wanna go back…”

“I know you don’t, sweetheart, but for now there isn’t much we can do for you, and I’m sorry. I understand that you aren’t going to the best school the island can offer, but it’s the one closest to PEIP. But I’m proud of you for starting to settle in to a new environment. I wouldn’t be able to do it. You’re an amazing kid.”

“You promise?” That caused Penny to flick her eyes up to meet John’s, and John returned the reply with a soft smile and a nod.

“I do promise. Now, how about we go and get ready for bed?”

“Can you…can you come and stay with me until I fall asleep tonight?” She asked, looking away again. She didn’t see John nod.

“Of course I will stay with you. Now, I’m going to be downstairs tapping out some reports ready for tomorrow, so if you need me, that’s where I’ll be. Papa will be asleep, and Jasper will be in his room,” John explained, standing up slowly, helping Penny stand with him.

“Okay…thank you, dad.”

“It isn’t a problem, Pen. Now come on. Let’s go to bed.”

Penny nodded and walked up the stairs to her bedroom where she walked inside and picked out her favourite pair of pyjamas. They were black and had golden stars on them. They were comfy and were also able to be worn in the daytime if she chose. She thought her fathers would be against that kind of thing, but they were relaxed. Sometimes _they_ even went to work in their pyjamas. They never tried to force her to do something she wasn’t comfortable with, and she was eternally grateful for them. She changed and called to John that she was in the clear and walked over to her bed as the door clicked open.

John smiled over at her and walked towards his daughter after shutting the door. He crouched down beside her bed and looked at her as she seemed to struggle to get comfortable under the covers. “How about tonight, Pen, _I_ tuck you into bed?”

“No, dad, I promise, I got it-“ but her rushed tone and quick movements suggested temporary anxiety. John gently took her hand and squeezed it once, reassuring her it was okay. She took a deep breath before she nodded. “I’d like that.”

John nodded, smiling gently again as he took the blanket she had, draping it over her front. Then, he grabbed her duvet and pulled it over her, tucking it into the sides of the bed at the end and so the top corners were wrapped around Penny’s body. He picked up Penny’s comfort teddy, a small blue penguin, and passed it to her, watching her immediately cuddle her. He looked at his daughter and placed a kiss on her forehead. “Close your eyes now, princess, you’re _safe.”_ He put stress on the last word to remind her. He moved Penny’s hair out of her face as he watched her eyes flutter shut. He stayed by her side until he noticed her breathing become calmer, signalling she was asleep. He kissed her hair before he stood up. “Goodnight, Pen. I love you.” He said before he flipped off her bedroom light, walking out. He checked the time on his watch. 2100 hours. He had a maximum of five hours before _he_ had to be asleep, so he’d work until the deadline.

* * *

John settled on the couch for the night, loading up government official documents that he continued to fill in. His mind, though should have been focused on the forms he was completing, drifted back to hours earlier. Last night, they’d had a games night to relax before work started the next day for both the agents and the kids who’d have to go to school. During each game, Jasper had squealed with delight and clapped his hands, happy to be in the environment as Xander cuddled his son, proud of him, whereas John shot glances over at Penny who was sat further away from the table than the rest of them. She still smiled, like the rest of them, but John seemed to notice that there was a dimmer light behind her eyes. She’d seemed down the entire day, and he’d wanted to ask her about it, but he hadn’t been able to find the words.

He wished he’d have made more of an effort. She _was_ distant when he had to take her to bed, and there _was_ something on her mind. Usually she jumped at the chance to be tucked in, but that night, she seemed oddly changed. He wished he knew why, then maybe he wasn’t feeling so perplexed.

With no luck in completing the work, realising he’d have to end up doing it tomorrow, he set the laptop down on to the coffee table, placing his head in his hands. He ran his mind back throughout the day, trying to come up with an explanation to Penny’s sudden change in mood. Xander hadn’t been able to detect on it, which was strange considering Xander usually could, but with John’s extreme use of analysis, maybe that was why he didn’t skim over it like everyone else.

It wasn’t their fault. Xander would often be the one to tend to their non-verbal and autistic son, while Penny sought assistance in John. It balanced out well between them, but both men had equally strong bonds with the children. Jasper liked Xander because he was funny, and was the only one aside from his sister who could make him laugh. Jasper liked John due to the fact John’s hair was one of his favourite textures. He liked the kisses and attention his fathers gave him.

Penny, however, was fairly different. She was overly protective of her brother, and therefore set her feelings aside. John was her shoulder to cry on. John was the father she could go to if she had a problem, if she was in pain, if she just needed a cuddle. He comforted her the best he could to his own ability, speaking softy as she cried. He was also more domestic around Penny, helping with homework and tucking her into bed. Xander was more practical when it came to Penny. He got her bag ready for her every morning and made her lunch as well. He was _also_ willing to give her makeup advice, and they went shopping for new clothes nearly every month. They both spoiled their daughter, and they understood she was at the age where she’d start puberty if she hadn’t already, and they were prepared for it.

Even though Penny was around that age, John _knew_ it wasn’t normal for a shrill, high pitched scream to fill the house at 1 AM in the morning. John slammed his laptop lid down and fled up the stairs, three at a time, his protective instincts kicking in. He located the scream from Penny’s room, bracing himself as he opened the door and flipped the light on.

She was sat bolt upright in bed, hugging her penguin tight to her chest, tears falling down her face. Her eyes were wide and startled, and were darting around the bedroom. John rushed forward and sat on the bed beside her, looking at his daughter. “Hey, hey, Pen, I’m here. Dad’s here, now. You’re safe with dad at home.”

“Dad-“ she choked out as she looked at him, nearly instantly dissolving into harsh sobs.

John felt an unfamiliar tightness in his chest that encouraged him to hug her gently. He stroked her hair and whispered to her, pulling her blanket around her shoulders as she buried into his chest. He didn’t let her go for a long while, letting her sob it out in the dead of night, letting her dig her fingernails into his back. He was patient.

When she had returned to silent crying, her body still racking with the ghosts of past sobs, John spoke. “Do you think you are able to talk to me about this?”

“Bad dream,” she choked out, more tears flooding John’s shirt. “Real bad dream.”

“What happened in your dream, Pen?” He asked, looking down at his afraid daughter, moving himself closer to her.

“I went back to school, and there were these loud bangs and I didn’t know what was going on, and I kept tryin’ to ask people and they were whispering at me, they-they knew I’d asked them something and they chose to ignore me, and then there was another bang, and they all just started lookin at me, and I asked them why? Why are you starin? And they just laughed and their faces got all distorted, and they started punching the shit out of me, all thirty of em, and I kept crying out for help. Then there were racist remarks being thrown at me and then- then I saw someone run in the classroom with me, and it was Jasper, and I thought it was weird that Jasper was at school and…Jasper was bleedin’, and I screamed out for him and he fell and hit his head and…”

“Shh…shh, it was a nightmare, it was a nightmare,” John reassured, holding Penny in his arms, rocking her against him. “Jasper’s alive, and so are you. You aren’t hurting right now, are you?”

“Well, not now but…” she fell quiet and sniffed, wiping her eyes. “Don’t send me back to school, please, I can’t go back….”

“What do you mean, sweetheart?” He asked and felt Penny bury in to him more. He hugged her and continued to rock her, reassuring her that she was safe.

“There are some real mean people there, dad. And they like to call me horrible shit in the corridor. I thought it was fine til I heard papa talkin to you about high school and his experience and then I realised, no, no Pen, no, you’re being tormented because of the colour of your skin and-“

“They’ve been bullying you because of your skin colour? They’re being racist toward you?” John asked, cutting her off, his eyes open in shock. Penny whimpered, but nodded. John sighed softly and held her tighter. “I’m pulling you from that school. I had no idea it was going on, and I do wish you’d have told me sooner so we could have pulled you earlier, but I understand you were scared to. But trust me, princess, you’re going to be safe. You’ll have classes with some of our tutors at PEIP considering you’re a lot smarter than you’re average age group. _You,_ my dear, are going to be okay.”

“Dad?”

“Yes, Pen?”

“I don’t wanna have another nightmare tonight…can I stay with you?”

John bit his lip and looked at the time. It was 1:15 in the AM, and he should be heading to bed himself, but then he realised he could do both. “Come with me, honey.”

“Too shaky-“

“I’ve got you,” John said, standing up from the bed, lifting Penny with him. He kissed her forehead and switched off her bedroom light. He first stopped at Jasper’s room to make sure he stayed asleep during Penny’s nightmare. Once confirming he’d remained asleep, he walked into his own room. He made sure Xander was still asleep as he placed Penny down on their bed as John climbed in the middle of the both of them. “Come here, Pen. Come cuddle,” John said quietly as Penny regained her place in John’s arms. He sent out a very messy text to Xander, instructing what he should be doing to regard Penny’s safety at school and to pull her out ASAP, before he kissed his daughter’s forehead again. “Goodnight, Pen. Dad’s right here.”

* * *

In the morning, Xander stirred awake to the soft snoring of his husband beside him. John was _never_ still asleep after Xander woke. He was _always_ the one to rise first. Scrambling to check the time, Xander became confused as he realised John should have been getting for work by now. Once noticing a text from John, sent in the early hours of the morning, he scanned over it once, and again, and again. Carefully, he peered over his sleeping husband to see his daughter cuddling the general, fast asleep like her father. Xander, logically, took a picture of the two of them as he shuffled out of bed, preparing to start his day, going to walk Jasper.

So even though, at 13 years of age, Penny Kiara McNamara-Lee _felt_ like she had to be the strongest person in the family to defend her brother due to her prime nature from her upbringing in the care home, she became quick to realise that was no longer the case while she snuggled into her dad’s arms, knowing she was safe. She didn’t have another nightmare that night, and woke up with aching eyes from her crying and a scratchy throat. She smiled at her father, who had also just woken up, and she jumped back on him into a hug. This was her family, and she was glad she ended up there.

**Author's Note:**

> ONLY comment if you are regular followers of my books or if I have given you permission to do so! Kudos are appreciated most dearly and I hope you enjoyed!


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